How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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