Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
