so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
