why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
