Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
