it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
