all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
