Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
