The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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