i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
