: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
