these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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