just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
