I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
