The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
