You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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