Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
