good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
