Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
