He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
