Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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