mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
