you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
