Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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