i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
