Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
