He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
