when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
