I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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