i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
