dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
