Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
