Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can I color on your dick again?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My vagina is very pro this idea
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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