So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
