I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
