I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is Oprah even human
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
