Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
you made out with another girl for some wings
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
