U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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