She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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