I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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