I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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