2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
