Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
