shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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