He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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