You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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