Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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