just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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