South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
