how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
