I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
